Education Stupor

Not everyone is destined to have a college education.
I am not a “smart” person, but I am an intelligent person. I have always struggled to learn out of a book; I am terrible with dates and names and even worse with Algebra. I do however read people and situations well, and I am resourceful enough to make things work. I think fast on my feet and can learn on the job or in the middle of a situation. I am clever and witty. Being college-educated is a different kind of "smart.” A college education opens doors and gives the illusion of higher pay and more opportunities. But at what cost?

I started my college journey in 2004. In the 15 years since I started attending college classes, I have changed my major five times. Some of those changes were due to an honest misunderstanding of the curriculum and what came after graduation, and some were due to my not being “smart” enough to complete what it would take to earn the degree. Often, I had a passion for a class and a good grasp on the skills needed, but not the ability to complete the course-work to the instructor’s standards. Some of my degree changes were blessings. There were also a few that broke my heart. I understand that the “real world” is not going to be like it is in college and I understand that much of what you learn in college is merely learning how to learn. There is nothing more discouraging than having a passion for something and being told that you really should pursue other options, or having an instructor tell you that perhaps college is just not meant for you. In the Fall of 2017, I took a leap and started taking classes after a 5-year hiatus with the hope of working toward a bachelor’s degree. I took a full class load because we had the money to go forward at the time. I completed one semester, and because life has a funny way of sending you messages in cryptic ways, we could not afford for me to attend the consecutive semester. This winter I did some research and discovered that I could take one class and potentially earn an Associates Degree in general studies. I decided to take the one class and secure the Associates Degree so that I would not lose the credits I had earned to date. What I wasn’t prepared for was the negativity from both the instructors and the students. I was treated inferior in many classes and often had instructors make comments that made me feel as though I should not be trying to finish my degree. I know that I am not an idiot, and to date, I carry a 3.65 GPA with many classes at the honors level, but the feeling of inadequacy is there. I know that with the large amounts of people attending college now, instructors feel the need to weed out those students who don’t have the drive or passion to pursue a specific area. I am frustrated at these same instructors who do not nurture those students who have an honest interest in the course, the course-work, the potential to earn a degree in that field. I don’t feel that belittling your students or gearing your classes in a way that makes people despise the subject matter is appropriate. After 15 years of taking college classes, I can say that I will earn, at minimum, an associate’s degree, but I will also say that the last 15 years have been a complete waste of time and money. The amount of debt required to attend classes is staggering. The amount of heart-ache and stress that I have put myself through to live up to a standard that I was not meant for is sickening. To those who have managed to secure degrees at the Associates, Bachelors, Masters, and the Doctoral level, congratulations. Please don’t look down on those of us without a college degree. Your level of education doesn’t make you superior, and my lack of “higher” education doesn’t mean that I am inferior or deserve less.

Let it go

Don't hold onto your past so much you forget to enjoy the present and look forward to the future. There really are some things that will keep you from living your best life. If your BEST memories are from high school, then maybe you should take a look at your life and find something to make new great memories. I did enjoy parts of high school, but I'm glad it's over. I enjoyed my twenties, but I'm glad they're over. My thirties had their ups and downs, but still, some of my best memories came out of that era. As I look down the barrel to 40, I'm excited for a new chapter and new memories.

New year, new path

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think that most everyone is letting out a sigh of relief that 2018 is over. It will forever be the year that everyone was offended and opinionated. I truly hope that 2019 will be the year of healing and self-care. I know my family needs it. I plan to make some huge changes in 2019, step out of my comfort zone, and refocus my attention on my family and our lives. My life is my own and I plan to take over and become a better version of me. I need to complete some very important goals that may seem insignificant to others but have held me captive for a very long time.

I have one class left to finish up an associate’s degree and move toward my goal of graduation. I registered for that class last week and plan to check that goal off my list by graduating in May. This will open more doors for me and my future, it will also make the path to my bachelor’s degree easier.

The most important change will be my retirement from coaching. This year I will finish up my 24th year overall as a coach. With the closing of the 2019 Track season, I will be taking a step down from my post as the Head Cheer Coach at Sparks. I have spent 14 amazing years at Sparks high school with the best administration, staff, and students anyone could ask for. I have had some amazing accomplishments in my coaching career, and share some of my fondest memories. I feel that it is time to let someone else take the reins and make the Sparks Cheer program their own. I will dearly miss my athletes and the actual coaching at practices, but its time for someone else to worry about tryouts, spirit packs, fundraisers, away games, scheduling, travel, and grade checks. I would love to progress to the next level and coach college, but for now, I will take a break and recharge. Thank you for supporting me as a coach for all these years!

Best of luck to you all in 2019! I know it will be a year to remember!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Birthdays between the ages of 27 and 40 have always just been birthdays. We celebrate a whole year of adulting and trying to maintain that we are responsible for ourselves and our tiny humans.

I have to say, because of my amazing friends and family the 18th annual celebration of the 21st birthday was pretty awesome! I got out of bed today thinking that I didn’t feel a year older and wondering what the day had in store. But the amount of wonderful birthday wishes and good-natured razzing I received today reminded me that birthdays are a nice way to remember the year and look forward to the next one. I have met so many fantastic people in the last year and continued friendships with some of the best people on earth. I’m blessed to have the best job in the world with the best coworkers and students. I have a beautiful daughter and a loving family. I’m grateful for all of them. 

Thank you all. 💕😘

I must admit though, at 10:00pm on a Tuesday... I do feel a year older.

Friday Nights

In the fall, each long week culminates with Friday Night Lights. 

Each Friday night at some point I experience a moment of total calm. Everything gets quiet in my mind and my heart is at peace. Tonight it was during the national anthem. Standing on the sidelines between the cheerleaders and the band. Seeing the football boys stand proudly and ROTC on the field with the Stars and Stripes. I know in those moments I am home. I’m where I’m supposed to be and doing what I’m supposed to do. It’s what I never knew I wanted to be when I grew up. Sometimes the weeks are hard, the job is hard and the hours are long. But it’s always worth it. 

To the kids who’ve shared their lives with me and the kids who challenge me to be the best coach I can for them. Thank you. Thank you for all of it.

On The Track... Again

This has become my spring...Again. 

Coaching all 4 jumping events is ridiculously complicated and pushing me out of my comfort zone, but so rewarding! Long Jump, Triple Jump, High Jump, and Pole Vault. 

I have some pretty awesome kids who give their all each weekend. 

This weekend we had a tied PR in the high jump and 3 new PR’s in Triple! I came home sunburned and wind-burned and freezing cold, but really it was one of the best Saturday’s I have had in a long time.

Thank you to my husband who I know is living vicariously through me giving me tips and drills. Thank you to Coach K and Coach Leo for always being there to help me and my kids learn. Glad to be on the track again with some pretty great coaches! Thank you to Brad and Troy for putting up with me! 

Time Reveals Our Path

I have spoken a lot in the last few weeks about things happening for a reason. In my life, I believe this is true. I am learning to look back at my choices and events and start to piece together the how and why of life's twists and turns. I have become a student of my own life and it's fascinating. All my choices and experiences have lead me to this moment. I am who I am because of the mistakes, trials, relationships and things I have loved and lost. I can start to see the paths and the choices and how it has come together.

In the last 30 plus years, I never had a good answer for the "where do you see yourself in 10 years" question. I don't know if it was the fear of the future, fear of committing, or the fear of failure, but something always kept me from thinking so far ahead.

Over 20 years ago I was given a small opportunity, not to change the world, be certainly to affect the world around me. That one opportunity has been the one thing spanning all the years that has stuck with me and motivated me. The one things I have been truly good at. Through the years, I struggled to find myself and my true passion when all along it was with me. I was given the opportunity to coach, but that opportunity became so much more than skills and drills. Teaching kids the value of hard work and committing to something that was bigger than them; than all of us. This has taught me so much more that I could have ever imagined.

I learned something about myself 8 years ago. I learned that I would never be 'one of the notorious', or be in a position of power or great importance in a business world. I will never be rich and famous, and in some respects, I would just never be enough for some people. So much of society dictates what our personal success is. But success means so many different things to each and every one of us. 8 years ago, through failure, I learned that my success was not determined by someone else. It has taken 8 years to finally understand that letting go of others view of my success will set me free. This is a lesson that I struggle with each day.

Five weeks ago, Sparks High gave me an opportunity to do a job that I knew I would be good at. A job that all my previous jobs prepared me for. A job I knew I would love. Each day I wake up excited for the new day and the challenges that lie ahead. Some days have been easy and some frustrating. But each day I know, that in a small way, I am affecting change. I know that by my small contribution, I have a small part in the successful journey of others. I get to help others define their own success and their future.

I will be forever grateful to my Sparks High family. For over a decade they have given me the opportunity to find myself. They supported me when I stumbled and continue to have faith and trust in me. This family has saved my life. Now in the face of so many changes and dividing paths my heart breaks. Change is never easy, but inevitable. I will do my best stand tall and support those who have supported me. It may be with tears and a broken heart, but I know that the success of their journey depends on my choice to support them too.

Thank you to those who have given me the opportunity to be successful in my own way. I love you all so very much and I hope that I can continue to be a positive influence for years to come.